Basket Case

Holy emotional train wreck today! And no, i am currently NOT pregnant. I was leading the music in church today and the opening song was O Canada. I have never gotten emotional singing our national anthem before.. but today was different. I'm far from home. I couldn't stop thinking about home. Then i started thinking about the awful flooding that has been going on in the Calgary area - especially the High River area. Lots of people from Cardston have been donating trailer loads and trailer loads of food, clothing, hygiene items, toys ect. Way over here on Statia we're hearing about it via Facebook and family. Three ladies in particular seem to have been heading up the relief. Shannon- i've taught her daughter dance in the past and was in one of Shannon's 'better-body-boot-camps', Letje- wicked awesome lady, so hardcore and cool, and Suzanne- my former AWESOME piano teacher. So during O Canada, my eyes were flooding but didn't overflow. Then i said the opening prayer. And that is where i lost it. I  thanked Heavenly Father for our home country and asked Him to bless it (with the flooding areas in mind in particular) Then I asked for a special blessing to be with a couple brethren in our group as their families have gone back home for a while. One of which being my old neighbour Katie. Holy Nelly. I seriously stood there trying to contain my self for approximately an HOUR. Ok not that long but it felt like forever. I hurried and closed my prayer and sat down. WELL then i had to lead the Sacrament hymn. Which was I Stand All Amazed. I just stood up there in front of everyone leading the music with my arm and not with my mouth. I couldn't sing. I had too many emotions and thoughts flowing through me. The previous mentioned and the fact that the girls and i will be leaving Josh here for a while as we go back home too. I'll have to work when i go home to pay for our flights back. (I'll mention here that the reason why we're going home in the first place is because i have a medical issue that needs to be taken care of.. to have it dealt with here would cost tickets to St. Maarten and a $1500 procedure... so the girls and i can fly home for $1500. So that's what we decided to do.) Anyhoo i'll be working full time at the Clinic...and as you can guess my sweet, angel, darling girls will not be able to come to work with me :( They will be in day care. Or as i like to call it, Jade Care, as my gracious friend Jade has offered to watch the girls for me. Bless her heart! My family will also be helping out where they can. Lucky to have such loving people in my life. Still the decision was so painful. I can't think about it for more than 5 seconds with crying. It's honestly so hard... So that on top of all the other things going on made for a great Sunday 'basket' showcase. Sigh. I must mention that i am very grateful that the clinic will be taking me back for a time-it is a wonderful place to work. But of course i would rather be at home with my girls where i'm supposed to be. Oooh. It really just breaks my heart. I'm sure i'll be a basket case at work for a few days too. I honestly couldn't even compose myself when i was standing up there today! I was covering my face with the hymn book at one point. Seriously, a basket case. OK! Well... prayers for me and my girls and Josh would be greatly appreciated. Props to all you moms out there. If you're at home with the kids, you are rockstars. If you're in a position where you need to be at work, i feel for you.

On a happier note! I took family photos for the awesome Erickson family yesterday. I let the borrow a few clothing items ect, for the photos and she handed me the bag of things and then Tiff said, " Oh, i think i forgot something." And she took a necklace off of her neck and put it around mine. It's a Statia blue bead! They gave it to me as a gift for doing their photos. I was so shocked and so excited!

Mommy and Fay <3

Mommy and Eden <3

Real

The title of this post should actually be 'Reality Check' ... but i thought that sounded too harsh. We recently had a little Relief Society activity last week on journaling. We were visiting and chatting about different methods of journaling and blogging came up. One of the sisters was telling us about some blogs that she really loved because the people were real. They didn't sugar coat their lives, they didn't make them selves up to be this perfect mom with the perfect kids, perfect life, perfect pictures, perfect craftiness ect. It got me thinking as to how i'm portraying myself on my blog. So I'm about to become a wee bit vulnerable. No -i'm not going to tell you my deepest darkest secrets, no -this isn't a pity party. This is just me. Real. Raw. Me

I've always been a busy person. Lucky enough to do all the extracurricular activities that i wanted. A kazillion dance classes, piano lessons, violin lessons, voice lessons, cheerleading, theatre productions, girls choir, ect. I think it's fair to say that i was good at all those things. I unfortunately never focused all my energy on one thing so i don't feel that i reached my full potential in any of those areas. I'm almost 23 years old and i still think to myself, I'm going to be a ballerina when i grow up.. and a broadway star, and make a CD, and be a movie star for disney,and and and. I want to be an amazing blogger, dancer, violinist, pianist, photographer, shopper, cook. I'd like to be a high school English teacher some day.... I have a pet peeve when people make grammatical errors and confuse words like 'to,' 'too,' and 'two' and 'there,' they're,' and 'their.' Yet i make such mistakes often enough myself. Hypocrite!  I want to be the perfect mom with the perfect kids and the perfect life.
The start of my 'realization' process began a couple weeks ago. Laundry. There's always so much laundry, the house is always a mess, there're always dishes to be washed. I realized one day that, that will never end. There will always be clothes to be washed, dishes to be washed, a house to clean. I'm currently not a very good house keeper - i'm a lazy sack of bones. A friend of mine had an incredible Facebook status a while ago.. it said something along the lines of being grateful for the piles of laundry because it means she has clean clothes to dress her kids in. She's grateful for the pile of dishes in her sink and on her counter because it means her kids have good food to eat. She's grateful for the messes in her house because it means her kids can play. And holy nelly. I'd love to have that attitude everyday!
I always considered myself a happy person. Sometimes i don't feel so happy. I have bad days, bad weeks, bad months. I don't do all the good things that i should all the time. I am quite the slacker. I lack motivation, i'm a procrastinator. BUT... That's just where i'm at right now.

I've realized that i can not do it all. No one can. And guess what? That is OK! Hallelujah! I love being a mom. That is true. I'm not a perfect mom. I feed my girls Kraft Dinner, i get impatient sometimes, i don't like letting them play with paint because the make a huge mess. But my love for them is perfect.

The important things are the little things. The little things are the big things. I need to remember to focus on the most important things and not let my dreams of 'doing it all' get in the way.

Hello Goodbye

The last few months have been full of Hello's and Goodbye's. Our friends the Wolsey's left Statia in April. We became great friends with them and Fay, Eden and Remy loved having playdates. Kayleigh and i could talk about anything and everything. I think we balance each other out quite nicely. We miss them a lot but are excited for their next adventure.

The Beckett Family. They also left the island in April. We miss them.

Jenna and Brook came for a visit!!! That was super fun! We packed in all the island activities and had fun hanging out. Fay and Eden loved playing with their Aunties.

We became good friends with these two, Caesar and Sylvia. They also left the island end of April.

Cole and Ciara! They left the island too :(

The Harker family arrived at the end of April. We were so excited to welcome them to the land of Statia. They've settled right in and i think they're enjoying island life :)


My neighbour and partner in crime Katie, left the island with her kids yesterday. (Andy is staying to finish off the semester) That was SOOOO VERY SAD! I could be my weird, crazy self around Katie. Lucy and the girls had lots of fun playing together. The girls also loved playing with Peyton and Stella. The girls and i are going to be leaving the island in a few weeks. I thought that i wouldn't be emotional saying goodbye to them at the airport because we'll be back soon too... but... that was not the case. I'm going to miss them a lot. It's a good thing the girls and i are going home for a while or else i would have been a basket case!









We all just get cycled through on this little island. We are so blessed to meet such amazing people.